Hell's Fairy Tales Presents: The Top 5 WTH Moments of 2010

HFT's top 5 WTH moments of 2010 were moments that affected our lives and made us say, "WTH?!". These events were ones that paralyzed us with fear, grief, excitement, anger, and laughter. Enjoy!

#5 The BP Oil Spill (April 20-July15)



All Pics from Google



The explosion of the Deep Water Horizon rig is a WTH moment for many reasons. Not only did it take the lives of 11 men and 6,814 animals, it handicapped the rebuilding of New Orleans. This city was rebounding from hurricane Katrina and the Saints had just won the Super Bowl but due to the spill the swamps are destroyed and the seafood industry is on the rocks. The CEO of BP was even quoted as saying, "He wants his life back," WTH?!

#4 Lil Wayne-TI-Lindsay Lohan (Ongoing)

No folks this isn't the threesome you're thinking of. This trio spent more time behind bars than a hooker on the point. First, WTH TI?! You had just gotten released and right before the ink on release papers even dried you decide you want to pop Ecstasy and go for a joyride....Genius. And Lilo, your tail should have been in jail long before you got there but that "I'll do better" B.S. bought you enough mini jail stints that when you finally had to sit for awhile it was laughable...WTH?! Weezy who in Sam hell gave you the MP3 player in the pokey?!? WTH?!

#3 Chilean Minors (August 5)

The WTH moment that touched the world. How in the world do you get trapped underground for 69 days and live to tell about it?! Here at HFT we wouldn't have survived 2 days without our Blackberry's, Moscato, and purses. These men displayed bravery, patience, and faith and will forever remind us of 2010.

#2 Mike Vick (September 21 named starting QB for the Philadelphia Eagles)

WTH??!! Hide Toto folks Vick is back! The best comeback story of the year was played out on our TVs every Sunday when Mike Vick played. HFT predicts another Madden cover in his future.

#1 Haiti Earthquake (January 12)

3 million people affected with 230,000 deaths. A somber moment in time that resulted in a call for help worldwide. To see a poverty ridden country in shambles was heartbreaking to us all. Since then 98% of the rubble has been removed, $3.1 million has been pledged yet 1.6 million still remain in tarps...WTH?!

So do you agree with our top 5? Should there have been another #1? Did we leave out something?? Comment below with your WTH moments!!! -D

Merry Christmas Cancellation!

 This blog will go kind of fast, so pay attention! Okay, I like Christmas just as much as the next person! In fact I actually get high off of Christmas. But this year has been a really tough one from me. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, BAM! Suddenly I was hit with pine-cone wreaths, jingle bells, and Christmas parties. Where did Christmas come from?! Usually I see it coming, but not this year...not at all! Maybe I just feel pressed for time, because I'm a new mom. This is my first Christmas with a child, and it's waaaay more work than I expected! But you know what?! I'm done. I'm not gonna search high and low and buy 3 gifts for everyone I know! I'm not racking my brain to figure out how I can top what I've done the last 10 years. I refuse! Every one's just out of luck this year! So I've done away with Christmas for everyone except my mom and my child. Oh yes..I absolutely did! It's fair! I've been a HUGE giver in the past years, without receiving a lot in return. So I'll start my resolutions early, and I'm only putting energy into those who return the favor! Consider yourself served! I've got to go finish wrapping gifts..as soon as I catch Muffin, to retrieve the ornaments that she's putting into her Fisher Price purse! Ain't Christmas grand?!

Feel Me Up...... Please

photo from google

It's travel season and things like family, food, and fun have been overshadowed by the new pat-down procedures used by the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). Now anyone who has ever traveled understands that you must pass through security to board your flight. Now granted since 9/11 security lines have been longer and more complicated than the women's bathroom at a football game. Take off your shoes, get your baggie out, no liquids, don't say the word "bomb" or "terrorist" because it will cause Homeland Security to descend from the roof. Hell, traveling is an eleven on a 1 to 10 stress scale! Anything out of the ordinary makes people nervous, which causes them to panic, and rightfully so.

So lets take a "pretend" journey through security with our fictional traveler "Pat" shall we??

Pat approaches security side-eyeing anyone who looks, smells, or talks different than him (her). Pat hands his (her) ticket to the jolly TSA agent who then stamps a smiley face on their ticket to confirm its been through the security process. Then it begins:

Pat gets in a line that is approximately 1 to 2 miles long. He (She) begins to undress; first the coat, then the belt, then shoes. It's not uncomfortable because everyone is doing it! Then Pat dumps the rest of his (her) possessions into a plastic tub and begins to proceed. What lies ahead is what some may call the "Gates of Hell" but we'll call it the Body Image Scanner. Seeing what is ahead Pat begins to pray (silently of course, remember Homeland is watching) and hopes all of his (her) pockets are empty. He (she) begins to walk through.....

DING-A-DING-DA-DING-DING-UH-OH-DING-A-DING

Aw hell no!! Pat has set off the detector. Pat is now all alone. His (her) traveling party is starring at him (her) like they don't know who the hell Pat is. The people behind Pat are looking at him (her) as if it is Bin Laden in the flesh. Its all over now Pat.

Next a "certified" TSA agent tells Pat to step "over there". Now this is the point of the story where it gets fuzzy. Because I've never been behind the "screen of uncertainty" if I get it wrong correct me in the comments. OK so if Pat is a women here's how the pat-down goes. The female TSA agent begins to feel Pats arms and chest. She feels Pats breasts. She is allowed to do this because its "procedure" after all. She continues down and feels pats ankles, legs, and private area. She runs her hand around the waistband of Pat's underwear. Once again "procedure". Pat, who is now and has every right, feels funny but passes the pat-down and is free to go.

Now this isn't a love story, if you ask the right people some may feel this is a horror story. The new procedure has been considered and invasion of privacy, an infringement on their 4th Amendment Rights (illegal search and seizure) and some say the extreme measures taken are not necessary. By now you're asking, "Denise, what do you think?" As a frequent traveler I believe that security is necessary to insure the safety of passengers. I believe because the proper steps were not taken after 9/11 to guarantee our safety we now have this pat-down procedure. If we would have checked the "Shoe Bomber's" shoes, or check the waist band of the "Condom Bomber" we wouldn't be where we are today. But as an American we must do what is needed to protect ourselves and what is needed to feel protected. So if I need to be patted-down to accomplish these needs then Feel Me Up....Please. -D



Soo..even celebrities are afraid of the recession?!

Okay. We're all for a side hustle. Really we are. We've got a few ourselves, just because we're that awesome. And yes, it is hard trying to reel in all this talent and phenomenalism. Wait...yeah, we're sure that's a word. But let us get back on track. Take a look at this picture. We'll wait.

No that's not Ming Lee! Guess again! It's SERENA WILLIAMS, tennis maven! Don't know how you feel about it? We don't either. But here's the gotcha....She's a certified nail tech!!!

“No one likes getting their nails done more than I do. As a matter of fact I go every four days to get a manicure and every seven days for a pedicure. So, I had a brilliant idea to get certified to be a nail tech,” she wrote on her Global Grind blog.

Word has it that she carried her supplies in hello kitty containers! That's my favorite part of this story. If you're gonna keep yourself from going broke, you might as well do it in style.

Becoming a nail tech is far better than her selling candles or Avon. Don't be offended if that's your side hustle. Or be offended, we really don't care! (Insert evil smile here)

But on a serious note, is it shocking that celebrities are creating their own safety nets? Is the economy EVER going to get any better? Maybe we should all be finding ways to generate extra income. Maybe we should even stop buying shoes. HA! That was funny!

I am a BLACK REPUBLICAN

Part 1 of a "What If??" Series

I am a Black Republican. I'll wait while you clutch your chest's and scream, "What the hell!?" to the heavens above! Mind you we do exists. I am as real as the nose on your faces. I sit next to you in school, I am behind you at the checkout line in the grocery store, and I might even praise with you on Sundays.

I am a Black Republican. I am a card carrying member of the NRA. After all it is my right as an American to bear arms. I am a Black Republican. I believe in pro-life and feel a baby is a life at the beginning of conception. I am a Black Republican. I am college educated, I pay my bills on time, and pay my taxes yearly. I am a Black Republican and because I work I am able to obtain health insurance if I deem it necessary. I rarely get sick so I believe it is an invasion of privacy for you to force me to have medical coverage in this country. I am a Black Republican and how hard you work is a direct staple of what you earn. You don't work, you don't eat (unless medically unable). I am a Black Republican. I believe and as it is stated in the Bible, marriage is between one Man and one Woman. I am a Black Republican and because I work and make large amounts of money I am offered few tax breaks and the "stimulus" doesn't apply to me (wth?!).

I am a Black Republican. I believe the border fence is the next best thing next to sliced bread. If you want to live in my country have enough respect to come in through the front door and not the back. I am a Black Republican and I support our Armed Services. Whether in a time of war or peace I fully stand by the men and women who protect our freedoms. I am a Black Republican and in the morning I do enjoy the banter and honesty of FOX News and I could care less about the "puppy saving" stories from the other guys. I am a Black Republican. I believe Palin isn't a complete idiot. Matter of fact her and I may just have......a Tea Party.

I am a Black Republican. I support the party of Abraham Lincoln. I am a Black Republican, just like Fredrick Douglas, Sammy Davis Jr., Don King, Denzel Washington, Sojourner Truth, and Martin Luther King Jr.. -D

The "What If??" blogs are a series of  hypothetical writings that are meant to encourage dialogue, make you laugh, piss you off, and get your mind going. These blogs will explore sensitive issues regarding politics, race, religion, money, and love. Your comments are STRONGLY recommended.

Curently Coveting: FUR VESTS

I hate winter! Say what you want, but I can't stand it. The only thing that keeps me from hibernating, is my love for the fashion and boots. *dreamy sigh* I would crawl across broken glass for fashion! So, no matter where you are, no matter what you're doing. Stop what you're doing and go get a fur vest. We'll wait right here while you do that. Take a look at the soft, furry, goodness below, so you know what to look for in stores!

Photo courtesy of myfashionjuice.com

Personally, I love ANYTHING furry! And don't even dream of throwing paint or blood on me when you see me! I love PETA, and I'm an advocate for fake fur. But I still like the look! Sue me! *shrug* Anyway, Fur is UBER IN! It's everywhere. It can really glam up a look without overpowering the room, the way a chinchilla would. Let's face it, if you aren't Rachel Zoe or Kimora Lee Honsou, then you really don't need a big fur coat anyway.

You can do no wrong when it comes to this look. Go asymmetrical, cropped, straight at the bottom, anything goes! Put just about anything underneath. Pair it with a skirt, skinny jeans, tights...Go crazy! My favorite look of the moment, is animal print fur. Anyone will tell you that I LOOOOVE animal prints. Leopard is also back with a vengeance, so why not combine the two!

Can't justify spending $50, for a vest? Want the look for less? Hmm..how do we remedy that? Let's see..let's see..Oh I know! I can show you how to make your own! Yes, you can all bow and adore me now! Don't worry I won't make you drink the koolaid, or become a sister wife! Sorry..I couldn't help myself!

Tune in next week, as I show you my DIY version of a fur vest. Get your scissors ready dolls!

~NiRosha~

WANTED: Married Men

Back in the day it was light skinned men. Everybody wanted a yellow bone brotha. Then once those were taken the emergence of dark skinned men came onto the scene. Once women got sick of men they went to women (remember, "my girl has a girlfriend"??). Today, it seems that married men are on the top of a single woman's "must have" list and for the love of life I can't understand why? What is it about married men that intrigues women to go after them? Why cant they stay away from someone who vowed to be with their significant other for life?

As a wife, this new "fad" touches me to the core. What's the need to attract someones husband? NOT boyfriend, not baby daddy, but HUSBAND? How inconsiderate, lowdown, and dirty. Is it the thrill of the chase? Is it because senseless broads want a hubby? Drop comments when I'm done and let me know the reasoning.... if any.

Let's explore some married man lovers, shall we? Up first, Leann Rimes. Leann is a cute country girl with a hell of a voice. BUT Leann left her husband for another woman's husband after they fell in love on a made for TV movie set. Now this movie they made took 4 months to shoot (I googled it) so you mean to tell me she fell in love in 4 months and was in enough love that the two of them ended their marriages?! Leann is quoted as saying she has "no regrets" for how her relationship has played out. Wow.

Now, of all the people to take someones husband you never ever ever thought it would be Alicia Keys huh? Well color us crazy but Keys hooked up with Swizz Beatz while the man was still legally married. Then once Beatz handled his business and divorced his ex-wife he quickly and suddenly wifed up A. Keys and they had a baby (damn a healing period). I wonder if Alicia feels a little guilty for having a hand in ending a marriage?



Fantasia, Leann Rimes, Leah, and Alicia Keys
Pics from Google

 Rolling my eyes and moving on to the next one (ha! No Swizz Beatz pun intended) how about Leah from Bad Girl's Club Miami. If you aren't familiar with BGC its like the Real World meets Mean Girls meets Player's Club (times 10). Leah is in a relationship with a married man. This man was even seen on the show (bold ass dude). But riddle me this, how come Leah got enraged when Brandi called her out for messing with married men? She packed her stuff and moved out of the room and acted like the girl was lying and lets face it, she got called out! My first High-five award goes to Brandi!!

Finally, my last and most notable married man lover is....... Fantasia Barrino. Oh Tasia c'mon girl! Homeboy worked at the local T-mobile for Pete's sake. I'm not going to go in on Tasia because she has suffered enough. I can honestly say I have little remorse for Tasia because I don't think she was in her right mind when she attempted to take her life. She has a young daughter who should have been her main priority not the married man or the media circus that haunted her. HOWEVER, I am giving my second "high-five" award to the man's wife! This women took it upon herself to sue Tasia for breaking up her marriage. Now while there is co-blame here at least she took a stand on something that was wrong. (Only 7 states have this law North Carolina, Illinois, New Mexico, South Carolina, Utah, South Dakota, and Hawaii).

So folks to wrap this up and before I get a ton of messages (I would like a ton of messages on this to be honest) the men were wrong as well. BUT men with wives are off limits. Sometimes going down this route can lead to nothing but trouble. -D